He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
