I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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