the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
