i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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