I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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