Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize