a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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