he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
