no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize