he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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