You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
