State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
