I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
