I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.