Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

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  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (205) Good night (40544) Bad night (3416)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.

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  (505): My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though. http://tfl.nu/1gr0
  Replies (5) Good night (2471) Bad night (510)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.

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  (440): Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic. http://tfl.nu/n8qw
  Replies (18) Good night (4663) Bad night (576)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.

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  (203): Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin? (1-203): I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight. http://tfl.nu/pi9j
  Replies (19) Good night (1564) Bad night (6282)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk

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  (218): No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/i2q3
  Replies (22) Good night (1167) Bad night (4424)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.

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  (301): Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning. http://tfl.nu/0np0
  Replies (6) Good night (5471) Bad night (737)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

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  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2363) Bad night (7489)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.

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  (937): Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed. http://tfl.nu/c6ek
  Replies (8) Good night (2809) Bad night (881)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.

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  (717): whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/6izn
  Replies (4) Good night (824) Bad night (1988)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face

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  (973): Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face http://tfl.nu/mow6
  Replies (7) Good night (623) Bad night (1866)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.

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  (971): There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is. http://tfl.nu/8jyt
  Replies (4) Good night (1650) Bad night (465)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"

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  (203): If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am" http://tfl.nu/kogk
  Replies (5) Good night (624) Bad night (1393)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.

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  (618): I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays. http://tfl.nu/7cee
  Replies (2) Good night (3450) Bad night (514)
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  (949): View more from California

  You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.

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  (949): You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering. http://tfl.nu/3arq
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (241)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.

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  (262): Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs. http://tfl.nu/5llv
  Replies (10) Good night (579) Bad night (248)

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