I'm retarded. Again.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.