SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.