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You really coming over, don't trick.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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