Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."