shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
