I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This is my gift to your gina
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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