I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
