First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
