This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
