She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
