i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
