You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
