My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
