I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
