Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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