His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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