listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
