Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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