Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
