just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
