waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
