I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
