Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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