So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
