Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When did angry sex become our thing?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
