the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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