this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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