I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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