She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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