My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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