Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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