awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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