How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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