I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal