You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there's paper in my vomit.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"