I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.