glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
