you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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