I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
