Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
