So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
