Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
