So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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