under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
