Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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