My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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