he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My dick has a subreddit
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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