apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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