Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
