he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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And then my night got REAL pukey
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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