why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I would fuck him just for his dog
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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