I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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