His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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