Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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