I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
