I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
