I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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