I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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