I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I could fuck to npr.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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