I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I would ride that face into the sunset
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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