Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Randomize
