Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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