That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
