You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
