you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
